yes and soul to see green grass, "real" trees, water, and of course my family. (The posted picture is of me in grade school. Probably 5th grade??? Not sure, but it's the most hair I'll ever have!)
I'll have a whole travelogue to post later, but this morning is my first chance to post here and then I have to go pack and get ready.
Cancer-wize this last few days has been traumatic because my hair is falling out. Big time! Saturday, my sister Janel had scheduled me for a haircut with Mick. Mick has cut her hair (and mine if I'm in Minneapolis) since we were in college. But Thursday I noticed that there was more hair than usual around when I took a shower at my daughter's home in Chicago. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
By Saturday morning it was obvious. I'd avoided the issue for two days, but when I demonstrated to Tara that it was indeed coming out and grabbed a bit from the side of my head, I was SHOCKED to see a whole tuft come out, not just a few hairs. AUGHHH.
I still went in for my appointment at Mick's salon, Avante (on Lasalle across from Macy's downtown), but when he came to my chair I told him that things had changed and I didn't know what to do. He went and meditated on that a few minutes and came back and suggested we cut it really really short and see how long that lasted. At least I wouldn't be as annoyed with hairs falling in my face. So I got a boy cut for sure! He said "don't be scared, but I'm going to buzz the back". It was scary, but the front still had some style and looked good with what little blonde was still there. And it did lessen the messiness.
Well, by today, there is no denying that it is going fast. Everytime I touch my head in any way, more falls out. My bed pillow has a fine layer of short hairs. Janel insisted that I look at some of her scarves. I didn't want to, but the fact is that after I take my shower this morning, I may not WANT to go on the plane looking half-shorn. We'll see.
By far this is the most emotionally traumatic issue I'm facing so far. Losing my hair means I will "look sick". Up until now, you wouldn't know I am in chemotherapy by looking at me, and my energy level has been ok enough to keep a "normal" lifestyle. But with my hair gone - there's no denying that something is happening. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww..
Thank god your hair is on your head, not some other part of your body that you can see all the time. When "I" look out at the world, I don't see what the world sees. I don't see my face, hair, eyebrows, etc. This is a good thing. I just have to learn to deal with the fact that other people won't be seeing what I "see" in my mind. That's been true, really, since I gained weight and got past 45. I still "see" me as 40 lbs and 10 years less than I am anyway, right? So what's a little hair????
(A LOT!)
Later..........
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