sittin here

You know, I'm sitting here, looking at what's been posted earlier, thinking thoughts, stressing, feeling feeling, whatever, and I don't know what the impulse is to share. I do and I don't. It's not like anyone really reads this shit. It's not like I can really talk about it anyway. It's like circling the drain. You can fight the whirlpool all you want. That's life. We all do it. Some of us just get to feel it a bit more specifically than others.

I'm going through emotional stuff now. I'm not suffering physically. Even this new chemo Xeloda pills seem to be ok. But I'm ANGRY. I'm feeling things. I'm aware of being STRESSED. I don't sleep. I'm tired and unhappy and feeling blue and I know it's nothing compared to really suffering, but I'm feeling that way anyway.

This money thing is a panic and a distraction. They can just cut off my health care! Zap. it's gone. Sorry. Stress city to figure out how to beat the system. Just what you need. I don't want to work, I need the money, I am punished if I make money. around and around.

This sucks.