Oh I forgot to mention, one of the tumors DID grow!

I just reviewed my later posts and realized that I did not explain why I am now taking the oral chemo. Xeloda. The last CT scan showed that one of the tumors in my liver grew a bit, so now, after waiting with baited breath for 14 weeks, I can exhale and start to deal with the denial I'd been nurturing.

Looks like it IS going to grow. Hopefully it will continue to amaze the medical profession with how SLOWLY it grows, but I am going to have to face this reality and somehow, some way come to terms with a short future. I cannot begin to explain what that is like. It's beyond my ability to write. While it may be a "lesson" in living in the NOW, it's like the phantom limb experience I think. Oops, I was just thinking about how I'd still like to learn Spanish. WHY BOTHER? Quick splash of cold water! What should I do this weekend? Next month? This summer... Should I move? It's weird. Trust me, you do NOT want to know. :)