I just reviewed my later posts and realized that I did not explain why I am now taking the oral chemo. Xeloda. The last CT scan showed that one of the tumors in my liver grew a bit, so now, after waiting with baited breath for 14 weeks, I can exhale and start to deal with the denial I'd been nurturing.
Looks like it IS going to grow. Hopefully it will continue to amaze the medical profession with how SLOWLY it grows, but I am going to have to face this reality and somehow, some way come to terms with a short future. I cannot begin to explain what that is like. It's beyond my ability to write. While it may be a "lesson" in living in the NOW, it's like the phantom limb experience I think. Oops, I was just thinking about how I'd still like to learn Spanish. WHY BOTHER? Quick splash of cold water! What should I do this weekend? Next month? This summer... Should I move? It's weird. Trust me, you do NOT want to know. :)
Bathtub Lasagna
5 months ago
1 comment:
Patti:
Thank you so much for your comment. You too are a living tragedy, a collision between your body and your health needs and an indifferent if not cruel system for dealing with catastrophic illness. My heart goes out to you.
I am supposed to know about medicare and medicaid, but it always gets fuzzy very fast. Can't you qualify for SSI as a disabled person, and get a reduced amount (because your income exceeds the threshhold), and through medicaid qualify for medicare?
I know that Arizona is one of the toughtest states . That and Virginia where I live. Both cruel and shortsighted. The medicaid rules are state by state.
I am sure you have tried everything, but have you also tried an elder law attorney? The headquarters of the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys is located in AZ. They should have someone who at least can confirm that you have pushed to the edge of the envelope of benefits to help you. If I can help with finding someone for you, please don't hesitate to ask.
It is wonderful that you are blogging. It is such a healthy thing to do. My heart is with you.
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